GarnetApple

You make every excuse For the emotional abuse You use against everyone Around you, it has become So easy to justify lies With automatic replies Like 'Its part of life' And stick the knife in deeper Than the damage they gave you I know its not fair But how do you sleep at night Punishing your own flesh and blood For someone else's sin Old wounds deep, embedded in skin You're getting your revenge, fine But its the wrong people Who are suffering

Early hours, as of late I stay awake My hands, they shake Last time, they shook As I was typing Errors You are oblivious to all Apart from the words You find ridiculous That I think you love me less That my body is hideous Overweight, over eating Disorder distorts my view My problem is not eating Its just the feeling full I'm not used to Having food in my stomach At night, digesting is a milestone I often do not reach Like having dry eyes for a whole day Making you smile Feeling love I have not felt in a while Its so attractive Saliva all over my hands, puffy face Bite marks on my own knuckles Russian roulette with my own oesophagus Lyi

When I was a child I was told a lie That all people have demons And I believed it for a while- Until I understood That they don't understand   That I was cut By a demon With a knife held in his hand But they know about the scars And that deepest are inside Yet, they only give a fuck about The small ones on my thighs And they care even more about The human shell over its demon It makes it hard for me to trust Who I was told to believe in I'm trying to figure it out by myself Besides, I never have had help With my mental health Now I am sixteen And i've worked out the truth Some demons have people And some people have proof

I like to ask you What words mean Hard words, tough definitions I want to sit and listen, love Your voice, rush My cheeks blush Our blood, hot My ears, not Worthy of the sound they hear I like to ask you What the world means Between sentences, Something more Than whispers Your voice, calming Your words, charming Darling Talk to me

I've seen heaven in your eyes

You won't know you were incomplete Until you become whole When you lay on life's beach And let the waves roll Until your skin becomes crisp Your eyes become clear Your mind is a rush But you're glad that you're here You're suddenly aware Of the warmth of your blood The sound of your heart The feeling of love Exhilarating yet safe You travel high as planes But unlike blood Love will never leave your veins

Its okay To block things out To ignore To walk away To shout To admit To be angry To dismay To feel stress To never apologise To dislike To confess To not forgive To cope To move on To live

Summer is fast approaching and i'd love to be looking forward to the excitement of freedom, travel, good weather and unwinding, but I feel as though I don't even have permission to think about those things. My exams are in a month. And i'm terrified. I'm terrified of failing because I know that if i do, it will be my own fault. The worst part is that i'm not the only person with this fear. At school we are taught constantly to feel ashamed for not being perfect. We are expected to be punctual, organised, alert, intelligent, to complete the masses of work to the best standard along with extra, and yet still discuss how to improve, because w

You tell yourself that I turned and ran When you reached out with both hands But I was right there and I still am But you don't understand You'll never understand And you may hate me but I don't mind I'm trying to help you stay alive   What you see as hate is really care But you don't understand You'll never understand Never is a lifetime And the end of it is far But how many lives are lived By someone so detached from who they are? I made your worst nightmare come to life The worst thing you could think of You're paranoid and paralysed And you don't understand How much I understand

From a distance; 'Look at that!' Getting closer; 'What a beauty' And the details; 'How intricate' And the music; 'Like a movie!' No one noticed the other details Green algae and cigarette butts Dead creatures underneath Swimming in oil and blood And yet, what a beauty The heart, the people inside The legacy and the history The illuminated nights From a distance; look at you Up close; you are beautiful Your intricate design And all thats part of you That scar along your chest The mole upon your cheek Or the lightning on your hips Are part of what makes you unique But you may hate your protruding spine Or your muffin top And your defo